Sleepy Bodies.
I have stretched bedtimes to be over an hour, sometimes even an hour and a half now. I love the winding down of our day together, slowly gathering our experiences to shelf them as memories. Between 7:30pm and 7:50pm, I ask S if we can get his room ready for "dodo”. If he says no we play a bit longer and then I ask again, this time, giving him a loose countdown to when we have to get everything and everyone ready for sleep. When there are no clouds I take him on the balcony to demonstrate the sun setting as a sign of the world preparing to rest. He repeats after me adding his own interpretation: “the sun going down, mama, the sun is going to close its eyes soon.” When he’s ready, I follow him to “the cozies” (the bed in my bedroom). We tumble onto my bed and he gestures for “mama milk.” Sometimes I tease him by lifting my shirt up and down until he eventually catches me and we tuck into each other while he nurses. Sometimes he likes me to read a book to him while he’s breastfeeding, like Everyone Poops (which he has re-named Everybody Dukes), or we look at a cookbook together and discuss future meals. We make jokes and laugh. He tells me about his day and his adventures. We read books. We tumble around. We let our day lull us.
“Let’s tuck in together” he takes the duvet and covers our limbs. I close my eyes pressed up against him. He does too.
“Allo, Mama!” He touches my face, “Allo, es-tu fatigué?"
I nod.
“Moi aussi, je suis très fatigué...” he responds and buries his face into the sheets pressing his head against the pillows.
I know it’s almost time to return to his room and tuck him into his bed when he asks me to rub his back: “Pet me, mama, please.”
I do.
I enjoy his sleepy gestures and orientations so I let this go on. There is something vulnerable and disarming about languor.
Tonight as we played together, side by side on our backs he grazed the top of my left arm back and forth, “Soft” he said and smiled. Then he gradually moved his hand and gently rubbed each of my knuckles. The few times he has explored my body in this way I have felt so loved. He is figuring out what a body is and how it feels in relation to him and his body. These moments in which we share each other are the moments I am the most present.
I never thought I would love bedtime with a toddler, but I do. For now, it is my favourite part of the day.